I'M FREAKING BORED!

I'm bored. I'm at work as usual. Ken got to go work at the races tonight. He sent me two videos of the races...not fair! I wanted to go so bad. I think I'm going to ask for a friday off so that I can go watch them. Blah, I don't really have anything to write. I'm just bored.

Bullshit

Bullshit. That's what this whole thing is. Just bullshit. There are such fucking double standards in this fucking place it makes me sick. Not that I want to sit around talking about my sex life or anything but I just can't stand this double standard bull shit. If I get "talked to" about talking about my personal life at work then no one should be allowed to talk about it. It just pisses me off. SHUT THE FUCK UP ALREADY I DON'T WANT TO FUCKING SIT HERE AND LISTEN TO YOU!

Blah, so today was not a bad day it was just not a good day either. Ken was gone all day which totally sucked and then he had to come into work to deal with stupid people so I got to see him for a minute which was great. He says I just need to get over the whole giving a shit about the double standards thing. I suppose he's right.

I have not written in a while...

I have not written anything on here for a while so I thought I have a little time tonight why not...

I feel like I don't do anything at work anymore. I really hate this 2000-0400 shift. It's slow so slow. When I am at work I feel like my mind is turning to mush. I would have more brain activity if I were watching a fly crawl around on a window! It's not that I want work to be busy, it's not that I don't like working here. It's just the damn shift. There is no point for me to be here until 0400. After midnight there is definatly nothing to do. I'm even running out of things to do on the internet to keep me from falling asleep or going mad. I tried bringing my coloring book...that lasted a whole 10 minutes. I can't read a book, I get way into books when I read them and then I get tired. I'm sick of the games on my cell phone. I'm sick of the games on the internet. I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm bored.

Other then work life is going well. I've been sick latly so the house is kind of messy but I can't seem to get off my lazy ass and clean it. I've been trying a little each day to do something. I did a load of dishes and I did 2 loads of laundry and yet I still didn't put them away. I need to clean the house so I can wash the carpets and I need to figure out what is wrong with Alicia. I have no clue why she is going to the bathroom on the carpet. Other then the house being dirty...Ken and I are doing well. We work a lot and work opposite hours which sucks. He's still tecnically "married" which sucks also. I want him to get a divorce...I understand the money thing...I think. I love him so much I just wish I could make everything better for him. He has made my life a fairy tail. I could never have dreamed of being this happy. He is such a great man, he does so much for me and I feel like I don't do anything in return. I mean I try and show him how much I love him everyday but I can't give him the things he gives me. He spoils me. I love it though, I'm not going to say that I don't love it. I'm not going to expect that he does it, I just love him and wish that I could show him. Blah. Stupid. I don't know why I get so hung up on the marriage thing...and the baby. I want a baby so bad. Sometimes I feel like me wanting on so bad makes it not happen. I mean god knows we have enough sex to make a baby! I love every minute of that too!!! Damn just thinking about it right now...woah! Gotta derail the train from that thought...I'm at work! It's 3am...I get to go home in an hour...isn't that awesome!?!

YET ANOTHER NIGHT IN DISPATCH

It's only 0132. Time is going slow. It was busy there for a while but now it's starting to slow down. I'm super sleepy. Anabelly woke me up this morning by poudning on my front door. I knew she was going to come pick me up but I forgot to set an alarm so I would be up. Anyway, we went out and got some Panda Express. It was yummy. Then she took me home and then came back once her kids got home. We got our nails done. Mine are ok I guess but the lady who did them was not very good at what she does. They are like french tip but the tips are sparkly red. Wow so it got a little busy and I totally forgot I was writing a blog. Anyway, Kate is out of the room so I'm watching some Youtube videos...fun fun. I get to go home in about half an hour! Yippy! More later. : )

I'm at work, yet again

I'm at work. It's only 1631. I came in early because one of the other dispatchers got in a car accident. She's fine. Which is good. I don't mind coming in early. I really wont mind once I get the check : ) It will help with rent which we really need right now. We are kinda of worried about how we are going to pay rent for Febuary. But we'll figure it out. Well Ken will, he's the brains in this outfit! Lol. Anyway on a sad note...Heath Ledger died. Isn't that sad. He was a good actor. I liked most of his movies. : ( I don't know what I would do if anything ever happened to Ken. I get so nervous when he goes out on patrol or goes to a stationary event that I know could get dangerous. I like when he is just working in the office. Although he looks so sexy in his uniform : ) I should have stayed home and put away the laundry we did yesterday. I hate going to the laundry mat but oh well we had to do laundry. And now it all needs to be put up. I'll do it tomorrow. I was going to do it today and it's not like I was just being lazy. I cleaned the kitchen and well then I had to get ready for work. I think I have a tension headache. My neck feels all tight and the front of my head hurts. Either that or it's just because I need to drink more water. I've been trying to do just that but sometimes it just doesn't work and then Ken has all these other yummy drinks in the fridge like chocolate milk and well I love that so I drink that and then of course get sick...stupid chocolate, stupid milk. Blah. Other then not getting all the stuff I had to get done, done today has been a pretty good day. Ken didn't stay too long at the stationary thing and then when he came home he stayed home until he had to bring me to work. We were totally playing around it was so funny. Like chasing each other up and down the house and he pinned me down and tickled my feet. He's so funny. I love him so much. Tonight his son is going to be spending the night. I guess he's been kind of hurting himself so that Ken will come "home." Anyway, so I get off at 4am and have to get a ride home from a guard then on top of that Ben and Ken are probably going to be passed out in the bed and I am not going to want to wake them up so I will probably just pass out in one of the chairs in the living room. Anyway, I guess I should do something work related or something...

It will be a week tomorrow

Ken and I have lived together officially for a week tomorrow. Our home is turning into a nice little place. We've gotten some furniture from my parents and he got cable hooked up and well it's just coming along very well. I'm so happy. I love coming home and crawling into bed next to someone. Next to him. He makes me so happy. I love him so much. Anyway, I'm at work so I don't want to get to into anything. So there is a little update if anyone actually reads this thing...

I'M SO EXCITED!!!!

I AM SO FREAKING EXCITED!!!! KEN AND I HAVE FOUND A PLACE!!!! WE SIGN THE PAPERS ON MONDAY! I HOPE WE CAN ACTUALLY STAY THERE THAT NIGHT! YOU DON'T EVEN UNDERSTAND HOW EXCITED I AM!!!

We really have nothing to move in though. I mean he's not taking anything as far as I know. And I'm not taking anything because I don't have anything! I am going to attempt to go through storage tomorrow and see what I do have and what I need to get rid of so I don't have to pay that storage bill anymore. I'm sure Kevin left me a nice mess to clean up. Oh well right? So we are going to need so much stuff. I mean we can get it over time and my parents are giving us some of there things to get started off with but eventually we'll have all of our own things and a home. A real home. A real family. I'm so happy. My dreams are coming true. I'm still a little afraid because well I know there has to be things about me that he doesn't know yet that are going to annoy him. I'm not going to worry about those stupid what if things right now. I'm happy and I'm going to be happy. My life is going to turn out wonderfully.
I love you Kenneth Allen Castro!!!!

THE STUPIDITY OF SOME PEOPLE!

SOMETIME I JUST WONDER IF PEOPLE EVEN HAVE BRAINS WHEN THEY PICK UP THE PHONE TO DIAL OUR NUMBER!

So this lady calls because her power is out and the police are at her apartment complex and she seriously wants to know what is going on. How the hell am I supposed to know, the police department does not report to us what is going on, PG & E handles the power...we're secruity for pete's sake!!!! Anyway, she was crazy. What does she seriously expect us to do?

Sometimes those calls drive me insane other times it so hard not to laugh at them. Anyway, Ken is out on patrol tonight...which I don't like one little bit but he's the boss man and has got to do what he's got to do.

I really hope we get this place. I'm kinda worried because they havn't called back yet and it's been like 3 days since Ken turned in the applications. I know these things take time but neither of us really have the time or the money. I mean if we have to go live in a hotel even for a week, we are out $400 at least. Then on top of that I have to leave my pets at my parents house which I guess isn't so bad. I'm so excited about living with Ken. I mean it's going to be a whole new experience. Yeah I know I've lived with people before but this is totally different. We are starting out life together.

I don't want to get too excited about this place because well I don't want to be totally bummed out if we don't get it, but even if we don't get it we will keep looking. I know he wants to live with me and I want to live with him.

I just want to scream there is so much happening in my life right now and most everything is good, not all of it but most of it. I'm just so HAPPY!

Anyway, I guess I should work now.

YET ANOTHER LONG NIGHT.

So I'm at work, of course and I have another long night ahead of me. Poor Anabel isn't feeling well and Anna says she will be here at 5 or 5:30 but I don't know about that. Then on top of that, I didn't drive my car tonight because there is a storm coming and didn't want to be stuck in it with my little car and with the winds they said we were going to have, I just didn't feel safe. So my parents brought me to work on their way out to the boat and I was just planning on getting a ride home from the patrol driver but now he has a ride along so I dont' know how I am going to get home. Ken said he would get up and come get me but he doesn't get enough sleep as it is so I don't want to wake him up if he is asleep. Blah, I should have just driven my car. I'm such a wimp. And I don't even have any money for a cab.
So anyway, work is totally sucky. I wanted to just scream or cry or something there for a minute. And sadly it wasn't even the midnight shift change that got me. I was totally fine with that. It was the 3 details at once, the guy being a @$$hole to me about someone smoking in his apartment complex and us not being able to do anything about it and the fact that I am alone. I hate being alone. I mean I'm not totally alone, there is the people on the alarm side but that's different.
Anyway, enough complaining I suppose it's better to have to be here longer then not be here at all. At least I have a job I like being at most of the time.

So Berlinnetta and I went out today downtown, I drove : ) We went to the Salvation Army. Sometimes I really love that place. I found three really cute sweaters. Well they are all kind of cardigans I guess. I don't really know the difference. But one is this really cute pink color, one is black and kinda sparkly, and one is tanish with different color flowers on the side. They all only cost me like $6 and one is GAP brand, and one is some other expensive brand, I just don't remember @ 0136 in the morning what it was.

It's now 0306 I'm supposed to be off in less then an hour but that's not gunna happen. I don't know why I'm so tired tonight. I'm glad I don't have to stay until 0700. Although I really don't know how I'm getting home. I'm really thinking I might have to wake Ken up. I don't want to. I mean I do because then I will get to see him but I don't want to because he needs his sleep and it's raining out and he's already sick. Blah anyway, I'm just full of whining tonight so I'm gunna go play around online.

A NEW YEAR

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!

Well I hope this year is happy for me. At the end of 2007 everthing was looking up and I hope it keeps going that way. Some things that happened to finish out '07 and start '08 are...

GOOD THINGS

I had a wonderful dinner. We made noodles and cream with chicken, and ceaser salad and garlic bread. It was so yummy and Ken was here too.

I got to wake up in the arms of the love of my life.

I didn't have to work downtown.

I didn't have to work at all.

My sister is coming to visit.

We might have found a place to live.

We might be making room for one more in our lives.

I got to talk to Ismana and Cassie and Crystal (Faith can't really talk yet but she drooled on the phone for me.

NOT SO GOOD THINGS (in my opinion)

I got an e-mail from Kristy. Ken's soon to be, but not yet, ex-wife.
Nothing too bad but upsetting to me none the less.

We might be making room for one more in our lives.

I still live in my parents garage.

I have to go back to work tonight and don't get to go pick up my sister from the airport.

Ken still lives at "home" with Kristy.

Ken and I do not live together yet.

Ken had to work downtown.

I feel as if he's hiding something from me. Something big. I don't know, maybe I'm just being super paranoid about the whole thing, what with the e-mail and all.

So yeah that is just some stuff to finish out the year to start a new one. Not that starting a new year is anything other then having to write a different number at the end of the date but eh, I guess some people like to think it's a chance to start over with some things. I don't really think so and so I don't really make New Years Resolutions but I guess I just need to work on some things this year that I haven't really been working on.

Anyway, I have to go take a shower now (yes I realize it is almost 2 in the afternoon, but I just woke up. I have to work at 8. That sucks. Oh well.