BLAH!

So I'm trying not to freak out but I only have 10 days until I have to be out of my parents house. I really have no money so I really can't find a place to life. Ken and I were supposed to find a place together but then again no money there either.

Anyway, I don't want to focus on the bad right now. I got to see Ben and Lilly tonight. Well last night. Ken brought them to work. Lilly was all giggly it was so cute. She even said "Bye bye" to me. Everytime I see them it makes me want to cry though. I don't want them to have to go through what they are going to have to go through. It makes me sad. Even though I know it's not my fault. Anyway, my shift is almost over so I just wanted to write a quick blog to kill the last little bit of time. I'm sure I'll write more soon.

I'm trying to stay happy and look at the good things in life and everytime I see him all I see is the good things in life and I am happy.

LYRICS IN LOVE

These are lyrics that the greatest man in the world sent to me via IM just to let me know how he feels about me. Not that I don't already know but I love hearing them. He is so sweet to me. We are going to be so happy together.





For once in my life I have someone who needs me
Someone I've needed so long
For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me
And somehow I know I'll be strong
For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of
Long before I knew
Someone warm like you
Would make my dreams come true
For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me
Not like it's hurt me before
For once, I have something I know won't desert me
I'm not alone anymore
For once, I can say, this is mine, you can't take it
As long as I know I have love,
I can make it
For once in my life,
I have someone who needs me


I get so weak in the knees I can hardly speak.
I lose all control and something takes over me.
In a daze and it's so amazing, it's not a phase.
I want you to stay with me, by my side.
I swallow my pride, your love is so sweet.
It knocks me right off of my feet.
I can't explain why your loving makes me weak.


I've always come to the conclusion that 'but' is the way
Of asking for permission to lay something heavy on ones head
So I have tried to not be the one who 'll fall into that line
But what I feel inside I think you should know
And baby that's you - you - you
Made life's his*to*ry
Cause you've brought some joy inside my tears
And you have done what no one thought could
You've brought some joy inside my tears
I've alwys felt that tomorrow is for those who are too much afraid
To go past yesterday and start for today
I feel that lasting moments are coming far and few between
So I should tell you of the happiness that you bring
Baby, baby it's you - you - you
Made life's his*to*ry
Oh baby, you've brought some joy inside my tears
Baby you have


Since the moment I spotted you,
Like walking round with little wings on my shoes
My stomach's filled with the butterflies...
ooo and it's alright
Bouncing round from cloud to cloud
I got the feeling like I'm never going to come down
If I said I didn't like it then you know I'd lie
dooo
Everytime I try to talk to youI get tongue-tied
Turns out that everything I say to you
Comes out wrong and never comes out right
So I'll say 'why don't you and I get together and take on the world
and be together forever
Heads we will and tails we'll try again'
So I say 'why don't you and I hold each other and fly to the moon
and straight on to heaven
Cause without you they're never going to let me in'
When's this fever going to break?
I think I've handled


Like a candle burning bright
Love is glowing in your eyes
A flame to light our way
That burns brighter everyday
But now I have you
Nobody loves me like you do
Like a leaf upon the wind
I could find no place to land
I dreamed the hours away
And wondered everyday
Do dreams come true
Nobody loves me like you do
What if I'd never met you
Where would I be right now
Funny how life just falls in place somehow
You've touched my heart in places that
I never even knew
Cause nobody loves me like you do
I was words without a tune
I was a song still unsung
A poem with know rhyme
A dancer out of time
But now there's you Baby, nobody loves me like you do

This one is not to me but about me to someone else. I wish he could say it to her...


If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Well you got your reasons
And you got your lies
And you got your manipulations
They cut me down to size
Sayin' you love but you don't
You give your love but you won't
If you could only see the way she loves me
Then maybe you would understand
Why I feel this way about our love
And what I must do
If you could only see how blue her eyes can be when she says
When she says she loves me
Seems the road less traveled
Show's happiness unraveled
And you got to take a little dirt
To keep what you love
That's what you gotta do
Sayin' you love but you don't


I love him so much and I can not wait to be with him everyday for the rest of my life. I will be the best wife, mother, lover, caregiver, I can be. I know he is going to do the same for me.

CHRISTMAS!

I had a good Christmas. The presents were awesome. The food was great and the company was the best!!!! I pretty much got to spend all day with Ken which was awesome!!! He woke me up with a kiss. I wish I could wake up everyday to his kisses. I got to open my presents yesterday as usual, I don't know why we have that tradition but we open all the presents from friends and family then on Christmas day we get present from Santa. From friends and family I got...
Ken - earrings. 3 pairs, my favorite ones are gold hoops with white gold dolphins. He also gave me a chain for my pendent because I broke the other chain at his Mom's house : ( and he gave me a picture of him to keep with me : )
I got money from 3 of my Grandmothers, my Aunt and Uncle and some from my parents too.
My parents gave me stocks in Mc Donalds. That was pretty cool. So I own part of Mcy D's! They also got me some beads and wire cutters and pliers for my jewelry making and some awesome mini gel pens for my scrap booking. Shell earrings. Pink Panther key chain. 2 shirts, both black, one has a silver jelly fish on it and one has gold skull and crossbones with a tiarra that says Pirate Queen.
My Secret Santa at work (Which was Anna!) got me a beautiful necklace! Her and I had seen it at New Leaf a while ago and she got it for me. It's so pretty.
Santa gave me a cute puppy calander. The puppies are dressed up. There is a sweet little Chihuhhua one dressed in a pink tutu, I love it. A little make up box. Pink jewel earrings.
I can't really remember anything else. I'm sure I got more stuff.
Anyway, I got to eat some good food too. We didn't have turkey but that's ok because I really only like it on the day after so that I can make yummy turkey sandwiches. We had ham and veggies and mashed potatos, gravy, fruit salad, rolls and apple pie. I hope there is some apple pie left for tomorrow. It was so good!
I think the best thing of all was getting to spend all day with Ken though. We just hung out and talked and he ate lupper (lunch/dinner) with us. It was great! I say great a lot.
So I had a pretty awesome Christmas over all. I hope that everyone else did too. I know some people didn't but I hope they had something happy or good happen!

Not so tired tonight.

Tonight was crazy. Jen left early. That was ok with me, but then it got all crazy busy. It's just been a crazy night. I think it's because of the full moon or something. On the way to work there was this accident on the highway and I said " wow I hope it's not a first alarm guard" or something like that. And guess what, it was. Ken called me to tell me that I jinxed him. He was looking for someone to work at an account and he called one of the guys he usually calls and the guy said he was in an accident and it was the one we saw, isn't that freaky? Then a water pipe here at the office broke and so we don't really have water here. On top of that, when Ken was at my house him and my parents were totally making fun of me. I hate that he and my parents are like friends. I mean it's good that he gets along with them and everything but sometimes I feel like it's easier for him to talk and joke with them then it is for him to do it with me. Ahhh. I'm just in a weird mood. It's Christmas Eve and I don't really have anything to give to him and that bothers me. I hope he doesn't get me anything. I only have 2 hours left at work. Yippy! I don't really have anything else to write tonight. I'm just in a mood and have a lot on my mind that I don't feel like writing in a blog for people to read. It's all stuff I need to take care of on my own. Blah.

IS ANYONE ALIVE OUT THERE?

I'm at work, yes I realize I should be home by now in bed asleep but Anabel had to go home early. She said her kids are sick. So my dumbness volenteered to stay until 0700 or well rather by the time my relief gets here (he's always late) it will be closer to 0800 and on top of that I have to get a ride home from one of the guards. I hate it but I can't drive my car yet. Then I get to go home and sleep for a few hours before Anna wakes me up so we can go to the Dollar Tree. I hope she can take me to K-mart too. I still haven't gotten anything for Ken for Christmas, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm going to get him it just seems kinda lame. I mean he knows I'm poor and trying to save money so we can find a place to live together, I just hope if he gets me anything it's not expensive. He totally spoils me. Not that I mind of course, because he shows his love in other ways besides just giving me stuff and that's the most important thing to me is that he shows me he loves me. I'm so tired right now I am trying to type just to stay awake. I can't believe I agreed to work 11 hours when I know that I'm not going to be able to get sleep and go out shopping tomorrow. Which I have to do because the next day is Christmas Eve and I don't think I'll make it out to go shopping, plus I want to be able to give Ken his gift when we go out to diner. I hope he likes it. It's not going to be anything great. He's such a sweetheart he deserves so much more then what I can give him. All the women who have passed up on him should be kicking themselves in the @$$ right now. I hope I never loose him. I don't even want to think about it. So yeah, I'm pretty tired. I'm sick of the stupid cabs. I don't get paid enough to dispatch for them too. But whatever. I like my job for the most part. I do wish that I worked with people who could act a little more like adults. I know I don't all the time but some of the crap that goes on in this room is just right out childish. Anyway, I'm not going to bitch about it right now, I'm sure at some point I will though. Anyway, yes I say anyway a lot and I also use the "..." thing a lot, I don't know why, I'm sure it's because I can't finish a freaking thought. So at work they did this secret santa thingy with all the dispatchers, alarm and patrol sides. I swear everyone knows who their secret santa is but me. And well maybe Jen, because I got her and can't really stand her but I got here something from her list and a little something else. I wonder who got me. I really can't even remember what I put on my wish list. I know that I put a potted gurber daisy and I think I put a gift certificate to a nail solon but I don't remeber what else I put. It's getting a little hard to type, I'm going to pass out when I get home. I only have a little more then 2 hours to go. I can make it. I'm drinking coffee and I'm typing and well the phone really doesn't really stop ringing. I was e-mailing back and forth with Ken but he needed to go to sleep. Not that he get's any sleep anyway but he needed to try. He's so cute, he told me he had confession to make, that he was sleeping next to another girl. Of course he meant his daughter. She's so adorable, so his is son. I hope our children are 1/2 as cute as they are. I know our babies are going to have beautiful eyes though. I mean look at his eyes, they are Dreamy and mine aren't that bad either. Wow I am messing up a lot typing. I think I get dyslexic when I am tired. I wish I could go on myspace and stuff at work, not that there is a lot to do on myspace but it would help keep me awake, I know I could be doing work related stuff but I really don't want to at almost 5am. I wish I had someone here to talk to. The two people on the alarm side are playing Super Scrabble. OOOH Suuuupppperrrr. Blah. Plus one of the guys who works over there is a real jerk latly, I don't know what crawled up his butt, but he's been a real grouch lately. My phone is going to die or otherwise I'd be texting one of the patrol drivers from Salinas, he's a nice guy. Funny, he keeps me awake. I'm glad that I can't really text message Ross. He's been kind of strange lately. I know what Ken said about him saying things to what's his name but I don't know it's just weird. Not that I really care anymore. the thing that is kind of bugging me is the other one, I wont mention names just in case anyone finds this and reads it. Let's just call this other person, LA for the sake of having a name. So LA has been into dispatch a few times in the last couple of weeks...I don't know why, well I mean a couple of times it was for a reason, well now that I think about it, not a very good reason. But this time LA asked Anabel to just randomly let them come into dispatch with her. Then LA just stood here shooting the breeze with us. Then LA found random reasons to call dispatch and just chit chat. It's really weird. It kinda bothers me. But I guess I really have no right to say anything because of what I did to LA. Anyway, I'm happy now, I'm sorry if that sounds bitchy. Anyway, I guess I should stop just blabbin' my mouth or rather my fingers. I'm going to find something else to do!

First blog on blogger.com

I decided to make a blog page that I could write in at work, because well I can't get onto myspace and work. Plus everyone and their mother is on myspace. I just wanted someplace where I can just type out whatever I felt like because it gets old sitting in dispatch at ungodly hours being bored out of my mind. So I thought I would start a blog and just blah blah blah... you know, I don't think anyone will even read this. My mind is so full of crap latly that I just wanted a place to rant and rave and just well type, I don't even really know what I'm saying. and I am probably not going to fix any of the mistakes i make whether it's spellign or anythign so if you don't like it then stop reading now.
So down to it then...

where to start? hmm, i dont know really. I'm at work, it's not so busy, we have one guard out on timer, that's always fun...phone...back... where was i? hmmm so Anabelly is here with me. She's so funny sometimes. I like working grave with her. It's slow though. I don't know why there needs to be 2 of us here after like 0100 but whatever I mean something bad could happen and we would need two people. Blah anyway, let's see, what else to talk about. I want to talk about the love of my life but I dont know where to start. I love him so much I just want to be with him all of the time but that can't happen right now. He's still married. I know he is going to get the devorce papers. I just wish it was sooner then later, but I'm being patient, I don't want to loose him because I'm so pushy, I just love him so much I want to run away with him, but not really because I'd miss my friends. Well the only frined I really have here is Anna. She's been a little upset lately. I don't really pretend to know why. I know she's been having some problems at home and money and stuff but she just seems more down then that. I wish I could help her. I'm having problems too. I don't have a place to life right now. Well I'm in my parents garage but my stepdad is being a dick and I have to be out by Jan 8th. Ken and I are going to move in together but it's hard finding a place when you have no money. I don't know what my problem is but I just can't seem to save money. It's horrible. I'm scared. Ken says everything is going to work out and I believe him but there is still that little knawing feeling in the back of my head. I love him so much and I want to be with him for the rest of my life. He says he wants to marry me and I really hope it's the truth. He makes me so happy. He says the sweetest things to me. He doesn't just say the sweetest things, he does the sweetest things too. I don't even know how to explain it. I don't have the right words. I just love him so much. Love isn't even a strong enough word for the connection that I feel with him. For the way he makes my heart melt whenever he touches me. Ahhh, I just want to scream when I am not near him. Then again my whole body screams when I am with him too : ) But you don't get to hear about that!! Anyway, I guess I should do some real work now.

Love,
Ken's Sunshine